Saturday, August 20, 2005

And maybe I bring this all on myself. I don't want a boyfriend, just a friend with privledges... that's what I say. Ever since the Jeremey and Erin era ended and I was left alone, my world turned completely upsided down. We'll be friends and we'll fuck. And if you see a pretty girl and you want to fuck her, great, go for it like TeensForCash. But if I ask you, please tell me. And I'll do the same. And why am I like that. Don't want to get too close to people? No that's not it. I like being close to people and I have a whole list of people that I wish I was closer to, but for whatever reasons I am not. Maybe I operate under the philosphy that if you try to hold sand really tight in your hands, it will slip throught and you will lose it, but if you cup your hands losely, you will still have it. People need space to grow and breathe and be free, and so do I. I have been held onto tightly, and I hate the feeling. So maybe that is why I do that. I don't want to hold on to tight from Her First Big Cock. That's no good anyway. Maybe I'm afraid of holding on too tight. Maybe I fear that is what I will do. Or that they will do the same to me. Or I don't want to be cheated on. So don't make it an option. I don't know.

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